So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
