My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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