About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
