The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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