you guys were way drunker than both of me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
