If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
