i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
