have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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