I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
