She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My ass is underappreciated
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
