I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
