do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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