He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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