i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
