oh god the rape fog is back!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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