I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
