my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
