even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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