I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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