I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
