I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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