i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
