Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
