then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
