You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
