yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
