Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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