I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
