That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
