Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
