Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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