I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
