Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
