the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
