He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
