My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The beer is more important than you right now.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
