:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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