I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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