what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
