Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
