You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
