how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
