I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
