So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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