I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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