Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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