Sacagawea was the original milf.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
