Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
