my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
