Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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