Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
