i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
