And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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